Mother's Day

Kim made this for me in Primay on Mother's Day.

I think it is the cutest thing! The YM always teach Primary on Mother's Day so the teachers can go to Relief Society. He traced his own hand to make me a flower! Well, this year Mother's Day was interesting for me and Kim too. The YM and YW were assigned to speak, 2 of each youth and 1 leader from each. I was really not even going to go to church casue it is just so hard. But then the leader that was going to speak went out of town, the pres just spoke and the other counselor was giving the lesson...so that left me. Me?! No way- I tried hard to not accept, but then I thought- I love my Mom and I can just talk about how great she is and what a wonderful Mother I have, but then that is hard too casue she is not here. So, Kim said I thought I would do a great job cause Mother's Day means so much to me...so I said I would do it. Then everytime I thought about what I would say I teared up and was very concerned I would not be able to speak one word. The other option- stand there and cry for 5-7 minutes. So, I committed Friday morning. I had to work that Saturday- which is Mom's b'day which makes Mother's Day especaily hard now, anyhow-so I was thinking all day at work which makes it hard to do my job. By the way- I have decided I really want to work in the Extension Office-as the Home Ec. Specialist-2nd only to a stay at home mom- which I am also working on. I really like all the extension offers, but most people stay there til they retire, so I will see what I can do to get more info...ok- back to the talk. So, it was very difficult to try and word the talk so I was not insensistive to anyone- that was hard andI hope I was successful. But it was just not going where I felt it should go. So, I hopped on LDS.org and searched for motherhood. Lots of returns. So, I scanned and looked for titles that I thought would be a good fit for an "altenative" talk on motherhood. I found some great ones! I will put the links for you in case you want to read them. There were so many points that I had not thought of before. I have been trying so hard to accept being a woman while not a mother that I was missing the fact that righteous women are all mothers. Ok- to clarrify- I am not putting a crown of righteousness on my head and making a declaration of my rightosness, but I do feel I fall into this category- as least in efforts heading in that direction...So, basically it turns out that Heavenly Father considers me a Mother and so, I should not exclude myself. I guess it was like I know this but I needed to gain a testimony of it. I will still struggle from time to time, but I am getting better at accetping who I am and what that means and helping my testimony of this to get stronger.

This one part really helped me feel the love Heavenly Father had for me as a woman without kids... it is in Sheri Dew's talk....Are we not all Mothers? http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=f0348d00422fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with priesthood ordination. It was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave women an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate. As President J. Reuben Clark Jr. declared, motherhood is “as divinely called, as eternally important in its place as the Priesthood itself.”

-So, I concluded that since all worthy males get the preisthood that all worthy women have motherhood. Myself included.

And then this part was really great too....For reasons known to the Lord, some women are required to wait to have children. This delay is not easy for any righteous woman. But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature. Some of us, then, must simply find other ways to mother. And all around us are those who need to be loved and led.

wow- I really like this part of that--- But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature. ----

So, I decided that I am blessed with motherhood without children. My preference of course would be with kids, but that is obviously not the Lord's plan for our family right now.

It was very, very intersting to see people's reactions as I was giving this talk and before too... Like- I can not belive they would ask YOU to talk on Mother's Day. Why not? I am very thankful I had the opportunity to learn more and strength/develop my testimony. So, most people in the ward must have gossip'd or figured it out by now that we are dealing with infertilty- but when I said it some people looked at me with the - oh, they have a disease face...I almost laughed. funny. maybe you had to be there and lived thru it, but it was funny. I ws especially touched by one sister that says she rarely cries on Mother's Day, but my talk made her cry- see she is not a Mother either or a wife. She asked for my references so she could read the talks again. She said it helped her feel better about who she is and her place in life. I also got a few hugs from some of the sisters in the ward who knew how very hard it was for me to give the talk in the first place and I am very thankful for the prayers of my dear husband-without them I may have not been able to speak- literally at all. I had a hard time getting going and getting words to come out. But I was able to do more than cry and it felt great!

I even took the gift they were handing out- only the 2nd time since we were married...see the first year I was not going to stand in Sacrament meeting and get one casue I knew what would happen, but Kim genly nudged me saying I was a mother and should be recognized. Yeah- well then people started asking when I was due since the gift is for Mothers after all....needless to say I declined the gifts the years I was at church after that. One of the talks talks about the gifts- the one I linked a couple posts ago. So, this year I did take it.

Ok, this is getting long, but I did need to share one more thing. I have not read the Mothers Who Know talk yet becasuse I didn't think it applied to me. Turns out I was wrong. The piece I made for Sheri I have given as gifts to several of my friends who are mothers with kids and I decided a while back I would not make one for me cause it did not make sense to hang a plaque up about mothers- who was not me. After reading the talk I think I just might make myself one and hang it up on our family wall just as it is!

Here all the links to the talks I used and some I just plain LOVE!!

The first one was A Mother Heart Julie B Beck http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=4b988fbe352fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

The second one was Are we not all Mothers? Sheri L Dew http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=f0348d00422fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

The third was A Special Kind of Mother by Alane Starko, I did not read any from this one, but it is great too! http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=1065dbfdf5b1c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

The fourth was Mothers Who Know by Julie B Beck http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=2a4826cb31cf5110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

And the bonus one I LOVE! It is Just the two of us-for now by Ardeth G Kapp. I related to this so well about offense and the Mother's day gifts.I did not get to this one in my talk either, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!! Hope you do too! It brought me comfort and validation for the feelings I am struggling to overcome. It is aimed at couples that are married, but I think it is marvelous for all women. http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=64bc27cd3f37b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

Thanks for all you wonderful comments on my other post about devepling talents of motherhood...they really meant a lot to me and helped me get on my way! I hope you enjoy these talks as much as I did!