Thursday, April 16, 2009
time for a change
Wow- It has been a while since I posted and I think I say that every time. The update on the house...We are just down to painting and carpet downstairs-well mostly. And if I knew where the cord was I could load the pics. I will find it to show off all of the hard work of our family and friends. Speaking of friends...Kim's friend at work has gone through the adoption experience with his brother and has shared a few thing with us here and there. Today he shared this blog... http://therhouse.blogspot.com/ and it is awesome! I have not cried so hard in a long time. Link after link just got better and I love this blog because it is realistic but upbeat! The stories are amazing and this video really, really made me cry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ. It is so true and I can feel that I am right on the brink as this wonderful article http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1989.htm/ensign%20february%201989.htm/just%20the%20two%20of%20us%20for%20now%20.htm?fn=document-frame.htm&f=templates&2.0 says.. "You have undoubtedly had similar experiences. If you haven’t, you will. In these ways we grow from the time when everything hurts and offends us until, with faith in God, we are neither hurt nor offended. But I want you to know I understand if you feel hurt or offended now." I want to be there so bad. I want to have joy when I walk past 35 pregnant ladies at the grocery store and not get mad when people complain about being pregnant. I want to not have to leave Relief Society dinners early because I can not stand one more birth story and labor story and on and on. I try to change the subject as there are other things to talk about but it always comes back. I even tried sharing stories I have heard from SIL and my sister- nothing to personal- but trying to "fit in" and participate and people look at me like I am crazy and then proceed without me. I really don't want to come across as complaining- that is not my intent, but I really do want to get past the offense and hurt that I feel all the time. I am sure no one means it the way I take it. And this one kinda made me chuckle... "Mother’s Day may be one of those times of hurt. Every year there will be a Mother’s Day, and every year at church a little plant or some other gift may be forced into your clenched fist. But one day you will learn to open your heart, and then, somehow, you will open your hand to receive that gift. Eventually, that gift becomes the symbol of an eternal promise." Cause I refuse to take it every year. Come on take it they say- we have extras. Boy this is harder than I thought to type. This article really hit home and the theme I found in so many articles I have read this morning are to give service ..." We who do not have children can wallow in self-pity—or we can experience “birth pains” as we struggle to open the passageway to eternal life for ourselves and others. I bear testimony to you that instead of wrapping your empty and aching arms around yourself, you can reach out to others. " Which was exactly what I was doing as I read this-how did she know? I have decided I have to strive to be better and develop the qualities that mothers have to posses to be good mothers like sacrifice, service, compassion, teaching and inspiring. So, when we are blessed I will be heading in the right direction. This one actually goes with one of the Personal Progress goals I am working on DN 2. I need to ask a mother I admire what are important attributes for being a mother. So, I ask all my friends that are mothers or who have mothers or know a mother if they can share these with me so I can work on them now. That is my plan for now. Thanks in advance for sharing!
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4 comments:
*hugs for Jill & Kim*
And on "what are important attributes for being a mother" - well, you already have them all and more, you're kind and generous and loving and crafty (the good kind- like scarpbooking) and also the best cook ever (believe me when I say Jessica & Jonathan were super missing you & your skills when they had to eat my food on Easter, ha ha)...as cheesey is, the beattles say it, with "all you need is love"....kids just want pure and simply "your love and affection" and time. (okay, apparenlty, all I can do is quote song lyrics).
And I understand about being offended at R.S. - hey, my thing is anyone who isn't offended there, is a little off their rocker. And seriously...the birth stories - nasty! and get over it, it happened, and now, it's over, let the drmama and pain go? Concentrate on the good times.
And the flowers for mothers on mothers day and any other holiday....I think holidays for people = pain. Not enough money for the gifts the world tells you you need, you're missing the people who aren't there, stress, stress, stress etc. etc. Mother's Day always makes me miss Mom.
Anyway...I have no doubt that you, Jill, are already qualified to be mother of the year! We're just waiting on the technicalities of it all.
I love you forever & always.
oh Jill, you have touched my soul today. As I type through the tears I think of the wonderful person you are. The Lord truly has a plan and though we may not agree with His timing of all things we know He is in control and His will - will be done.
As for the attributes, the most important one, in my opinoin, is the ability to always see past the situation and see the developing soul of your child. Anyone's child, for in the end we all belong to Him. And it is to Him that we will report our stewardship over these precious souls He sends into our lives.
Jill, I'm not even going to pretend to know what you are going through, and I hope I have never offended or angered you in anyway, if I have it was not my intent. And I'm the first to admit that I can be pretty thoughtless. I hope you know that you both are always in my/our prayers and I put your names on the temple roll every time I go!
Attributes that I struggle the most with are - PATIENCE!!! This is enormous and will be life long for me. I also struggle with showing affection - I am not the norm, I know - but I am not an affectionate person. I admire people who are so warm and loving, it is a quality I notice in others because it is something I struggle with. I really could go on and on with all my motherly flaws, my faults as a mother (and failure!) haunt me everyday!
I love you both...
I agree with everyone here-especially your sweet sister Jennifer. I missed church many years(Mother's Days) before becoming a mother through adoption...and then struggled with feeling "like" a mother after that. I was asked to speak in sacrament meeting on my first 'actual' mother's day and I couldn't find one thing to say that wouldn't cause pain for someone. like Jennifer said-every holiday brings pain to someone! I thought of you and how you miss your mom-my neighbor who lost her only child years ago and recently her Mother. All my friends who are childless. That talk caused just as much pain as missing church did in the past!It is OK to hurt though!
You will be a wonderful Mother Jill! Loving unconditionally and pick your battles are 2 attributes I am learning now!
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